I couldn’t get to sleep last night because of buhzzzzhkdjfsdhfuhzzzzz. I’m sorry, what was that? You can’t hear me? Well, neither can I. That’s because I have a little friend whispering delicacies in my ear.

Mosquitos. The bane of my existence. Might I mention that it is summer. Here in the Land-Down-Under, we have hot days, hot afternoons, hot evenings and worst of all, hot nights. Unlike some people, I’m not a night owl. I don’t know how people can sleep through the day and never will. I like to sleep at night.

I used to think that I was a great sleeper, along with my other Oscar-winning talents such as eating, complaining and going on the Internet. But now I see the unescapable truth: I suck at sleeping. EVEN if I like it so much to the extend to say: True+bulgy+eyes+swag+bulgy+eyes_8dfcbf_5236499

First of all, I must not do it well if I can barely make it through the day without collapsing face-first on the floor at least once. (And no, tripping over my own feet does not count) Secondly, I believe only talented sleepers can make it through the night with this guy buzzing directly at their ear:

It’s high-pitched and whiny; reminds me of my angry mother. I was awake all night, turning the lamp on and off, only to find that my mosquito friend’s disappearing every time I switch on brightness. There was a point when I needed to pee, so I stumbled to the toilet and wouldn’t you know it? The little fucker followed me in.

BuuuzzzzzkhdkahsdabuzzzzzzzZZZzzZZzzbuzzhhZZ.

I could’ve gotten mosquito repellent (I wish I was mosquito repellent), but it was all the way in my parents’ room. I knew I was in for some serious trouble if I woke them up at 3 AM. So what did I do? I didn’t sleep. Couldn’t. Spent the whole night (read: morning) angrily reading then re-reading the Abundance of Katherines while listening to One Direction’s Four album (it was no mosquito’s buzz, or tinnitus, but close enough)

Ironically, I had no mosquito bites. So. Why exactly do mosquitos buzz in our ear? Do they have some secret message to tell us from the dead? Think they’re singing a sweet lullaby?

Well, I did some research and found two theories: 1) Some West African story about a mosquito that’s to blame for an owlet’s death. They buzz in people’s ears to apologise and ask for forgiveness. According to Wikipedia:

This story is a resource for teachers to teach the skill; cause and effect. “A cause is something that makes something else happen; An effect is what happens as a result of the cause” (Dell)

Well let me teach you a lesson of cause and effect:
Cause: A relentless and ambitious mosquito loiters around, in, or just outside my ear canal.
Effect: I couldn’t get to sleep.
Double effect: Relentless and ambitious mosquito will die tonight. I have my repellent and clapping hands ready. 2) They need carbon dioxide and the best place for it is the ear, apparently. I wonder why they don’t go for the nose. Isn’t that where we exhale carbon dioxide?

tl;dr – I’m pissed and have panda-bags under my eyes.

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